I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
