the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
