He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
