The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
