i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
