I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
