So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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