mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
