Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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