I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
