Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
