If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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