This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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