i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have post one night stand depression
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize