I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
