love makes seman taste better
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
