Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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