So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
