ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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