I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize