Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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