You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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