come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
