Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Even my vagina gasped.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
