And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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