My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
