Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
