You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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