So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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