mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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