trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
