its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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