my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
