Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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