What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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