I hate all girls vehemently.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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