just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
