If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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