Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
