My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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