the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am one with the molecules
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
