Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
