just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
