I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
