Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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