do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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