The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
