so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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