so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The dick lei will go down in squad history
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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