His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
