I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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