I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
