You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
