Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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