Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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