Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
