Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
