Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
