is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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