All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
