i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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