3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
