If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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