I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
