went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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