Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Congratulations! We have a period
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