Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize